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Children and Anxiety

Helping Shy Children Thrive: How to Make Friends at School

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School just started and you have some concerns about your shy child making friends this year. Shyness can be a tough one to overcome. It is often characterized by feelings of fear, stress, and discomfort in social situations.

When attention is directed at a shy person, that person exhibits physical symptoms of stress: accelerated heartbeat, sweating and trembling, and sometimes blushing.

Some factors may increase shyness, such as social rejection and ridicule from other children. Adolescence is a particularly vulnerable time, in which shyness may intensify. In adolescence, as a normal part of the identity-formation process, children can be very concerned about what others think about them.

If your child is shy and has a history of learning differences like ADHD, autism, or dyslexia, making those first friendship connections can feel especially intimidating. For these children building friendships often takes extra time, encouragement, and practice.

TIP: Social confidence and making new friends is a skill that can be learned.

Why Friendships Can Be More Challenging for Shy Kids

Every child is different, but many students with learning differences experience additional obstacles that make friendships even more difficult to build.

Some children are hesitant to start conversations because they worry about saying the wrong thing. Others struggle to read facial expressions, understand body language, or recognize when someone wants to join or leave a conversation.

Children with ADHD may be loud, interrupt, appear bossy, or become overly excited during play, while children on the autism spectrum may have difficulty understanding unwritten social rules. Even children with dyslexia or other learning disabilities sometimes avoid social situations because they worry classmates will notice their academic struggles.

None of these challenges mean a child cannot develop lasting friendships. Instead focus more on opportunities to learn and practice social skills in a supportive environment.

Shyness or Something More?

Parents often wonder whether their child is simply shy or experiencing a deeper social challenge.

A shy child usually wants friends but needs extra time to warm up in unfamiliar situations. They may stand aside to observe before joining a group or feel nervous introducing themselves to new classmates.

Children with learning differences may also want friendships but need explicit instruction in social communication, conversation skills, emotional regulation, or understanding social cues. Recognizing the difference allows parents and educators to provide the right kind of support.

Friendship Doesn’t Always Mean Having Lots of Friends

One of the biggest misconceptions is that successful children have large groups of friends. Many children are happiest with one or two close, trusted friends.

Helping your child develop one meaningful friendship is often more valuable than encouraging them to become the most popular child in class. Strong friendships provide confidence, emotional support, and a sense of belonging that can positively affect every part of the school experience.

Small Steps Build Big Confidence

Making friends rarely happens overnight. Instead of focusing on the end goal, celebrate small victories that help build confidence. Frame these small steps and encourage your child to set one goal each day. Here’s a checklist of ideas:

__ Say hello to one new classmate.

__ Ask someone to play at recess.

__ Share a favorite hobby or interest.

__ Practice taking turns during a game.

__ Invite a classmate to work together on a classroom activity.

Each positive interaction helps children feel more comfortable reaching out again the next time.

Ways Parents Can Encourage Friendships at Home

Before your shy student ever walks into a classroom, know that you play an important role in helping them develop social confidence.

Below are five simple activities that you can do at home that make a meaningful difference.

  1. Practice introducing yourself during family conversations.
  2. Role-play how to ask someone to play or how to join a group already playing a game.
  3. Read books that feature positive friendships and discuss how characters solve disagreements or show kindness.
  4. Encourage your child to participate in activities they genuinely enjoy, whether that’s robotics, art, music, martial arts, or another hobby. Shared interests naturally create opportunities for conversation and connection.
  5. Perhaps most importantly, praise effort rather than outcomes. Celebrate your child for introducing themselves, trying something new, or showing kindness, even if a friendship doesn’t develop immediately.

How ABA Therapy Can Help Build Social Skills

For some children, social skills benefit from direct instruction and guided practice. Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) therapy helps many children learn the building blocks of successful friendships by teaching skills that may not develop naturally.

ABA therapists can work with children on:

  • Starting and maintaining conversations
  • Reading facial expressions and body language
  • Taking turns during play
  • Sharing and cooperating
  • Managing frustration during disagreements
  • Understanding personal space
  • Developing flexible thinking during games and group activities

These skills are practiced in structured, encouraging environments and then generalized to real-life situations at school, at home, and in the community.

Over time, many children become more confident approaching peers and navigating everyday social situations.

The Rockwood Prep Difference

At Rockwood Prep, we know that learning extends far beyond academics.

“Our small class sizes give teachers the opportunity to truly know each student and recognize when they may need encouragement socially as well as academically. Students are surrounded by caring educators who understand learning differences and create opportunities for positive peer interactions throughout the school day.” – Marci Gabriel, CEO Rockwood Prep Academy and ABA Connections

When appropriate, ABA strategies can also support students in strengthening communication, emotional regulation, and friendship skills, helping them become more confident both inside and outside the classroom.

Every Child Deserves to Belong

The beginning of a new school year offers more than a fresh backpack and a new classroom. A new school year is a new opportunity for growth, connection, and discovering that friendships often begin with one small conversation.

TIP” If your child struggles socially, remember that friendships are not simply a matter of personality. They are skills that can be nurtured with patience, practice, and the right support.

At Rockwood Prep, we believe every child deserves to feel seen, valued, and included. Through individualized learning, compassionate educators, and a supportive school community, we help students build the confidence they need to succeed both academically and socially.

Ready to learn more?

Schedule a tour of Rockwood Prep to discover how our personalized approach and ABA-informed support help students with learning differences thrive in the classroom, on the playground, and beyond.

Helping Anxious Kids Start the School Year Strong with Goal Setting

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For many children, the start of a new school year brings the excitement of new backpacks, teachers, friends, and opportunities to learn and grow.

For other kids, a new back-to-school year is a trigger for worries and uncertainty. Children report common fears like whether they will make friends, understand their schoolwork, find their classroom, or fit in with the other kids. These concerns are often experienced by students from kindergarten through sixth grade and can sometimes make the transition back to school feel all confusing.

Surprisingly, one simple but powerful strategy that parents can use is goal setting.

Setting realistic, achievable goals before the new school year starts gives children something positive to focus on instead of dwelling on their fears. Goals help shift attention away from the unknown toward actions kids can control.

Whether a child is starting kindergarten, moving into middle elementary grades, or entering a new school environment, goal setting can create a sense of confidence and direction.

“Children often feel less anxious when they know what to expect and have a plan,” says Marci Gabriel, CEO of Rockwood Prep and ABA Connections of Arizona. “Small, achievable goals help students build confidence and develop a sense of ownership over their school experience.”

Why Goal Setting Helps Reduce Anxiety

Anxiety seems to grow when children feel uncertain or powerless. New classrooms, unfamiliar teachers, changing academic expectations, and social pressures can all contribute to those feelings.

Research has shown that helping children develop self-regulation skills and positive coping strategies can improve emotional well-being and school adjustment. According to the American Psychological Association, setting goals helps children focus their attention, build motivation, and experience success through incremental progress.

When children identify a goal and take small steps toward achieving it, they begin to see evidence that they are capable of doing hard things. This confidence can reduce feelings of worry and help them approach challenges with a more positive mindset.

TIP: Instead of asking, “Are you nervous about school?” try asking, “What is one thing you’re excited to accomplish this year?” This simple shift encourages children to focus on possibilities rather than fears.

Age-Appropriate School Goals

The best goals are specific, realistic, and meaningful to a child.

A kindergartener might set a goal to learn all the names of the kids in their class by the end of the month.

A second grader who is worried about reading aloud might want to read at home for 15 minutes each night.

A shy fourth grader might work toward raising their hand at least once during class discussions.

A sixth grader who tends to be disorganized may want to improve by keeping track of homework assignments in a planner.

Goals do not need to be academic to be effective. In fact, social and emotional goals can be just as important.

Help your child choose a few goals from the list below:

  • Make one new friend.
  • Introduce myself to someone new.
  • Join a school club or activity.
  • Ask for help when I need it.
  • Practice staying calm during challenging situations.

Creating a Smooth School-Year Transition

Goal setting works best when combined with routines and preparation. One of the best ways to reduce anxiety is to remove as many unknowns as possible before the new school year starts.

If possible, visit the school before the first day. Walk around the campus, locate classrooms, explore the playground, and familiarize your child with drop-off and pick-up procedures.

For children entering a new school, even a brief visit can help reduce uncertainty. Another helpful strategy is gradually reintroducing school-year routines. Begin adjusting bedtime and wake-up schedules one to two weeks before school starts. Practice morning routines so children know what to expect.

Predictability helps children feel safe.

TIP: Create a simple visual checklist for younger children. Seeing each step of the morning routine can reduce stress and encourage independence.

Help Your Child Focus on What They Can Control

Many school-related worries involve things children cannot control. They cannot always choose their teacher, determine who will be in their class, or predict every situation they may encounter.

Goal setting redirects attention toward things they can control. For example, instead of worrying about whether classmates will like them, a child can focus on introducing themselves to one new student.

Instead of worrying about difficult schoolwork, they can focus on completing homework each evening or asking questions when they need help.

These small actions create a sense of agency and competence.

Research published by the American Academy of Pediatrics notes that supportive relationships, routines, and opportunities to build competence are important protective factors for children’s emotional health and resilience.

Celebrate Effort, Not Just Results

Parents naturally want their children to succeed, but focusing only on outcomes can unintentionally increase anxiety.

Instead, celebrate effort.

Praise your child for introducing themselves to a new classmate, staying organized, practicing reading, or trying something outside their comfort zone. When children learn that effort matters, they become more willing to take healthy risks and persevere through challenges.

This growth mindset can benefit them academically, socially, and emotionally throughout the school year.

Starting the Year with Confidence

Each child experiences school transitions differently. Some eagerly run through the classroom door, while others approach new situations with caution.

Both responses are normal.

By helping your child set meaningful goals, establish routines, and focus on manageable steps, you can make the transition smoother and less stressful for the entire family.

At Rockwood Prep and ABA Connections of Arizona, we understand that confidence grows when children feel supported, understood, and equipped with tools for success. Whether your child is entering kindergarten or preparing for sixth grade, small goals today can help create a more positive and successful school year tomorrow.

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