When it comes to being a copycat, young children are excellent students. They are watching parents, other children, and caregivers to see how we talk, react, move, and interact with others.
You probably don’t need research to tell you people learn by watching others. To reinforce this social learning theory there was a famous Bobo doll experiment demonstrated how kids imitate adult behavior.
Researchers discovered that children treated a doll the same way the adults did.
Children who watched an adult become aggressive with the doll became aggressive in their interactions too, while children who watched adults treat the doll kindly imitated the kindness.
Watch out for too much screen time. Research shown that young children watch an average of 4-6 hours a day of screen time. Surprisingly, children as young as 14 months can repeat actions that they observe by watching a video for 20 seconds!
4 Reasons Why Children Model Behavior
Children don’t just copy others’ behaviors because they don’t have anything better to do. They model others’ behaviors if:
- they see a person being rewarded for their behavior. If that happens, they are more likely to model that behavior. The opposite can be true. If a child sees someone being punished for their behavior, then they will likely not imitate that same behavior.
- they look up to someone who is in an authoritative position like a parent or teacher. Or they will model behavior of a celebrity or someone that they really admire.
- Those they closely observe and model those are like them – those who are the same age and sex, and those who share the same interests.
- they lack confidence or are unfamiliar with a situation, then they are likely to observe others to understand and mimic what they do.
Modeling Positive Behaviors Can Be Tricky
There are times that you might unknowingly model unhealthy behaviors for the young ones around you. Here are some examples of unhealthy behaviors:
- Parents tell their kids to treat everyone with respect. Then they make fun of others or say critical comments about other people behind their backs.
- A mother tells the cashier at a movie theater that her 12-year-old is only 11 so she can get a discount. The child learns it’s okay to be untruthful to get what you want.
- A dad spends his evenings watching sports on television but tells son he doesn’t read often enough.
- Parents tell their kids to share and be generous with what they have, yet they never make donations or get involved in any type of volunteer work.
- A divorced couple argues all the time about money, custody issues, and visitation, but they expect their children never to quarrel.
- A father tells his kids that they should eat healthily, but he sneaks candy after they go to bed.
- A mother tells her daughter to be kind to others, but she yells at the store clerk when the store refuses to take back an item she tries to return.
Take a Walk on the Positive Side
Watching other people cooperate, share, take turns and demonstrate generosity can teach children to exemplify those behaviors too.
Michigan State University Extension has some tips on how to ensure your child has opportunities to witness and experience modeling in a positive way.
Be intentional about your child’s surroundings. Do your best to surround your children with constructive models and situations where positive behaviors are reinforced. If there are places, people or activities that model negative or worrisome behavior, work to find more positive situations for your child.
Notice the positive. When it comes to child behavior, you will often get more of the behaviors you are noticing. Point out positive behaviors in your child and in others, provide reinforcement and talk about them with your child. Catch your child being good!
Limit or eliminate exposure to negative influences. Violent or aggressive television shows, movies, games, or activities are teaching your child. Even interactions with other children and adults can prove to be a negative modeling experience for your child. When possible, limit or eliminate these experiences and work to provide more positive models for your child. When in doubt, think of your child doing exactly what they are observing and ask yourself if you would be proud of that behavior. If the answer is “no,” you may be helping your child learn a lesson you don’t want them to know.
Talk about it. When a situation cannot be avoided or a child witnesses negative modeling behavior, think of it as a teachable moment. You can talk to your child about what constitutes acceptable and helpful behavior, what it looks like and why the negative behaviors are not acceptable. Children not only learn from watching, but listening too.
Do as you say. You are your child’s first and most important teacher. They are watching and learning from you each and every day, whether or not you intend to teach them. Show them kindness and love, model compassion and helpfulness and teach them positive ways of interacting with people and the world around them. SOURCE: Michigan State University Research
Be sure to follow the rules that you set for your child. Children have difficulty understanding how a rule can be broken “sometimes” by an adult without the adult receiving punishment. So, when we try to discipline a child for breaking a rule we have set, we are likely to get some push back.
Show children, don’t just tell them. Often children don’t understand or know how to do what we are telling them to do. Also, no one likes to be lectured. So, the next time something needs to be done, take a moment to show the them what you would like them to do.
TIP: It is important as the adults that we try our best not to reflect own anxiety and depression on children. It is too easy for our children to pick up and model anxiety, and depression. See help for you and your child if you struggle managing depression and anxiety.
Take time now to remember that we can create a life worth emulating to our young people. Start by taking a moment every day to think about what we specifically want our kids to learn and try to model.
